"I'm pretty sure its just ego"
An interesting thing has occurred in the past, something that made me stop and think about why I wanted something, ambiguous I know, let me fill you in.
Now as always there is room for improvement in everything we do, I get that, however when something I considered myself quite good at, became available as a full time job I was caught off guard when I found out that something I was good at and had done in times when it was critical to keeping the department operating smoothly had been offered to someone else, from a different department it took me by surprise, full disclosure it really got too me.
I stewed on it over night, and was quite annoyed at the whole situation, the next day rolled around and it was still stuck with me, until my wife and I had a discussion and she promptly asked "Did you even really want the job?" to which after a few moments I replied "well, actually not really" many laughs were had and as per usual I delved a bit deeper...
It took me a bit of time to look at this situation and process where the emotion was stemming, now in a clearer frame of mind I can see I am embarrassed because of how I think other people will think about the situation, I immediately thought "Geez, they are going to take the piss out of me for not getting the job" which probably stems from a bit of insecurity around being a leader, and again being in a position leading tradesmen with no formal trade behind myself, that damn imposter syndrome.
So what have I taken from this situation? well as followers of the podcast will know, I'm leaning pretty heavy into a "Que Sera Sera" mentality at the moment, focusing on what is and not what could be, with that in mind I am allowing the thoughts of others (which likely don't even exist) to roll out of my way and let me keep just doing the best I can, I offer so much advice to people along these lines that I have stopped to breathe and absorb a bit of that advice for myself.
With that in mind, I ask all of you to consider if your actions are linked to the thoughts of others (which likely don't even exist) and how bad are the limitations of your thoughts holding you back. You Got This